My children are mutants…

I often joke that we are are one generation away from X-Men.  All three of my beautiful girls have weird medical issues (consider this Post One of many on this topic). Thankfully none of their issues are life threatening, but they are all of the “invisible illness” variety, and I find myself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop…

This weekend we had two.  One kiddo with a trip to urgent care requiring an unnecessary ER transfer, and one with a ridiculous rash all over her body which turned out to be an allergic reaction to the antibiotic she was taking for Strep Throat.

Of course.

This is par for the course for us.  It is exhausting.  Mentally and physically.  One minute my adrenaline is sky high, and then next I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  You have to laugh or you cry.

One of the things that got me through this most recent round of “Melver Medical Madness”

besides

how much I love said fabulous children,

my fabulous husband,

and my tribe of fabulous girlfriends I can text for help, encouragement, or even send pics so they can help me diagnose (you know who you are).

was my new favorite app called Calm.  If you don’t have it, you really need to download it.  So far I have used the sleep stories and the sleep music the most, but I am excited to try all the features.  They have just added a Master Class Workshop Series, and I am looking forward to exploring their meditation exercises as well.  You should really check it out!

This is their website: Calm

I cannot recommend it enough.   In fact…I am off to use it right now.  Still bouncing back and an early bedtime is calling me.

P.S. Heading to yoga tomorrow morning too, and students are back to school tomorrow…so get ready for the MindfulMess to amp it up a notch.

 

 

 

The rest is still unwritten…*

There is nothing as satisfying as the look and feel of a blank sheet of paper, a freshly cleaned chalk board (white board these days), and the cracking of the binding as you smooth open a new notebook and pick up a freshly sharpened pencil to make your first mark.

While I am not sure that there is much truth to the metaphorical “blank slate”, there is something about a “new year” that lends itself to the idea of a fresh start.  It can give us a  renewed sense that we have power over our choices, our path, our journey.  And if we can’t shake completely free from the mistakes of the years past, then maybe we can move forward in spite of them, because of them even.

It can be scary.  Dammit, it IS scary.  We feel out of control as we bravely, vulnerably, step forward into the life we deserve.  This morning a heart mentor of mine, who also happens to be my sometimes yoga instructor, sent an email introducing her new yoga blog and website (a project more than a year in the making), and inviting those of us on her email list to start the year off with yoga Monday morning.

Even as I typed YES and hit send, the excuses started coming…my brain automatically went into fight or flight mode sabotaging my intention.  Within seconds all these thoughts zoomed through my brain.

But…

“I’m not working tomorrow, why get up at 4:45am when I have the day off?”

“I am probably still too sick.  I could get everyone else sick. Can you even do yoga when you are on antibiotics for Strep Throat?”

“I haven’t been on my mat in months. Months. I know I want to practice again, but I probably won’t make it through the first round of Sun Salutations.”

“Everyone in the class will probably be thinking: ‘Who does this clumsy fat woman think she is, defiling our beautiful, serene, yogic sanctuary.’ ”

Thankfully, I had already started this blog, even shared it with a handful of people close to me, including said yoga instructor.  I also did myself the favor of reading her blog post “How to Start a Daily Home Practice” this morning after receiving her email.  What struck me the most as I read her words was the idea of “making an appointment with yourself”.  Because I matter.  My wellbeing matters.  I deserve to feel the best I can inside and out.  I am worth choosing.  So instead of but, I will say take the leap and say…

because…

“I can’t imagine a better way to start a precious day off work than nurturing my body, mind and spirit with early morning yoga.”

“I am not too sick.  I will not get anyone else sick.  In fact practicing yoga will be healing and boost my immunity, not to mention help to restore my spirit.”

“You know Audrey doesn’t care about that.  You could spend the whole hour in child’s pose if you need to (and you know you won’t have to), the hardest part is getting to your mat.  The rest is just breathing.”

“Please…nobody cares about any of that but you.  You are a beautiful soul inside and out.  Put light in the world and light will come back to you.”

As Audrey says, “The hardest part is making it to your mat.”  The rest is just breathing…and “Unwritten“…

*Shout out to my friend Sara for reminding me (in a playlist she created for my youngest daughter’s birth) how much I love the lyrics to this Natasha Bedingfield song.

 

 

MindfulMess

As I lay in bed last night fighting insomnia (AGAIN) the idea for this blog rose to the surface of the bajillion thoughts racing through my messy brain. (How is it almost 2018?  Strep throat sucks.  Why did we decide to move houses over Christmas? I have so much unpacking to do still. Look at all these clothes. I really need to get rid of some. Maybe those pants. Maybe I could help one of the girls organize their new rooms tomorrow instead. My poor husband is doing everything right now. I am such a slacker. How does he put up with me? I can’t believe tomorrow is our 15th Anniversary! Must pay more attention to my relationships this year. Thank God I discovered My Favorite Murder, it will be a great distraction from reading all the time.  By reading I mean one cheesy British mystery series after another (one glass of wine at a time). I really need to start exercising again. I mean I “choose” to start exercising again.  No one is forcing me.  Isn’t that awesome. I could listen to MFM while I exercise! I am going to “think” about mindful eating.  Oh, and I must start meditating again or my therapist will kill me.  Gosh I love My Favorite Murder.  Where was I….meditation.  Yes…then everything will be easy, and yoga.  Yes…I will do ALL THE GOOD THINGS.  It will be SO easy.  How will I keep track of my progress, hold myself accountable, keep myself motivated? I should start a blog!)

Somehow…I managed to mindfully (tee hee) latch onto this blog idea and not let go for 24 hours.  Yes, I thought.  This is a good idea.  A journal of sorts, tracking log of another, and (“Please God”!!!!) a way to get all those swirling thoughts out of my brain and on to paper (or the cyber-paper anyway).  I am super old school.  Even if no one else reads a word I write I feel like this will help ground me on my journey into 2018.  It will be a new companion and recording of my never-ending quest to embrace the mess in the moment, to be transparent and vulnerable, and maybe sometimes even badass.

Besides mindfulness and messiness, I also plan to document the various ways I manage to successfully incorporate meditation, nourishment and movement into my life, not to mention the epic fails.  And there will be EPIC FAILURE.  I see each of these areas as multifaceted, and hope I can get internet smart enough to create a way for “Meditate”, “Nourish”, and “Move” to be category headings with posts on subcategories like “traveling”, “spirit”, “eating food that tastes good”, “relationships”, “yoga”, “guilty pleasures”, and even the occasional “navel gazing”.

I look forward to having you along for whatever part of the journey you connect with.  I am hoping just starting this blog provides a platform for me to bring my awareness to what is most important in my life (meditate), fill up on gratitude (nourish), and kick free of some of the chains that have been holding me back (move).   Let’s do this…