There is nothing as satisfying as the look and feel of a blank sheet of paper, a freshly cleaned chalk board (white board these days), and the cracking of the binding as you smooth open a new notebook and pick up a freshly sharpened pencil to make your first mark.
While I am not sure that there is much truth to the metaphorical “blank slate”, there is something about a “new year” that lends itself to the idea of a fresh start. It can give us a renewed sense that we have power over our choices, our path, our journey. And if we can’t shake completely free from the mistakes of the years past, then maybe we can move forward in spite of them, because of them even.
It can be scary. Dammit, it IS scary. We feel out of control as we bravely, vulnerably, step forward into the life we deserve. This morning a heart mentor of mine, who also happens to be my sometimes yoga instructor, sent an email introducing her new yoga blog and website (a project more than a year in the making), and inviting those of us on her email list to start the year off with yoga Monday morning.
Even as I typed YES and hit send, the excuses started coming…my brain automatically went into fight or flight mode sabotaging my intention. Within seconds all these thoughts zoomed through my brain.
But…
“I’m not working tomorrow, why get up at 4:45am when I have the day off?”
“I am probably still too sick. I could get everyone else sick. Can you even do yoga when you are on antibiotics for Strep Throat?”
“I haven’t been on my mat in months. Months. I know I want to practice again, but I probably won’t make it through the first round of Sun Salutations.”
“Everyone in the class will probably be thinking: ‘Who does this clumsy fat woman think she is, defiling our beautiful, serene, yogic sanctuary.’ ”
Thankfully, I had already started this blog, even shared it with a handful of people close to me, including said yoga instructor. I also did myself the favor of reading her blog post “How to Start a Daily Home Practice” this morning after receiving her email. What struck me the most as I read her words was the idea of “making an appointment with yourself”. Because I matter. My wellbeing matters. I deserve to feel the best I can inside and out. I am worth choosing. So instead of but, I will say take the leap and say…
because…
“I can’t imagine a better way to start a precious day off work than nurturing my body, mind and spirit with early morning yoga.”
“I am not too sick. I will not get anyone else sick. In fact practicing yoga will be healing and boost my immunity, not to mention help to restore my spirit.”
“You know Audrey doesn’t care about that. You could spend the whole hour in child’s pose if you need to (and you know you won’t have to), the hardest part is getting to your mat. The rest is just breathing.”
“Please…nobody cares about any of that but you. You are a beautiful soul inside and out. Put light in the world and light will come back to you.”
As Audrey says, “The hardest part is making it to your mat.” The rest is just breathing…and “Unwritten“…
*Shout out to my friend Sara for reminding me (in a playlist she created for my youngest daughter’s birth) how much I love the lyrics to this Natasha Bedingfield song.